another monday / 10:50:00 PM

some days you just feel that it's the worst job i can ever have. sitting at the desk, facing the computer, staring at the screen, checking emails, replying emails, fighting war over emails, making changes to documents again and again and again. i just want to get this over and done with so that i can finally move on to something more exciting, more challenging, more fulfilling. my brain feels like it has degenerated. my body feels limp, and fat, as day after day i sit on that chair. i have to gym hard to make up for the lack of activity during work hours. if i dont exercise i blame my nature of work, my eating habits and instill a huge sense of guilt in me. sometimes i pity myself. that i am not doing what i love, that i have to stay because someone has to do the job, because i'm responsible and dont want to leave when games time is so near. i wont leave. but what if i still dont get a job that i am passionate for? i used to want it so bad, so bad that i was angry, upset that it eluded me. am i not good at what i do? things will get better. persevere, ni xing de. on the positive side of things i get to leave on the dot and do my own activities. i hope i still know what i want.

Labels: muse