of free time / 2:49:00 PM

i've yet to be able to appreciate the free time i have on my hands right now. maybe cos having the liberty of deciding what i want to do, what time i want to wake up, only gives my mind the free will to wander around and result inbeing a worrier.

its funny how i dont feel like i should be as refreshed as i should be, having returned from a 3 month long trip. i should be empowered with a positive mind. i should be breathing through my nose and admire the scenery around me. i should watch the clock tick away and not be worried about time being wasted cos time is still in my hands. i should be indulging in the memories of the holiday and want to take things slow.

but maybe coming back threw me back into reality. a reality check. the bubble bursts and you're thrown to handle a job search, a schooling boyfriend, a non-hiring internship company, and no longer being a student. it feels as if time is pushing me to get things done.

but time is still in my hands. embrace it. let go. maybe i should just enjoy the present and let things work out on its own. i was just telling dan that the birthday this year doesnt feel celebratory. it feels more like a hurdle. then he said, just put aside whatever worries and enjoy that day. something like that.

i'll try.

Labels: muse