/ 3:05:00 PM

hanging up my gear...

9 jerseys frm aj
2 pairs of socks frm aj
1 athletic wear frm aj
1 pair of knee guard frm aj
2 pairs of vball shoes frm aj (asics n mizuno)
1 knee support (both knees gave me problems this yr)
1 ankle guard (after i sprained my left ankle at the 1st match agst rjc at last yr's nationals)

no more late nite trainings.no more rantings frm im.no more worries abt not catchin up wif studies.no more matches.no more vball.

we won the defending champion nyjc 2-1.we won last yr's champion.we won them when we lost to them last yr.but this yr we won them 2-1.but we're out of the nationals.we're out of the semis.we're out of top4.we cant even get 3rd for the 5th yr running.but we beat the defending champion.

played the last game wif myself at the bottom of my peak.why is it tt when it is my last yr in a sch,the last game,the last match,is not memorable.this yr is a horrible vball yr for me.nv got so stressed up over it b4.i remember i sweared not to cont to play vball when i go up to jc bcos of the lousy memories presby gave me.but i decided to cont,when cca appeal came into the picture,and when mr chua,the seniors,new frends,new environment came into the picture,i relented.vball was great last yr.though we came in 3rd,it ended on a nice note.this yr was supposedly another gd yr.wif gd players,being a champion seemed like a piece of cake.but den,internal conflict,mr chua fractured his leg and was not with us for 2 months,seemed to thrash everything.we tot god was issuing a challengee to us.it was a hard time to cope w/o chua at first.i tot things would be betta with a new china coach coming in to take his place since some ppl hated chua like shit.it was betta for some.but for me,all i can say i slipped like a slippery piece of crap.i was displaced.i was pissed.who gave a damn abt me.i kept quiet in the beginning.after all its a team game.wat im says i juz haf to listen.i'm merely a player who im didnt gif a damn abt.things for me changed a lot.a lot.couldnt really take it anymore since last week.chua commented i dropped a lot for these 2 mths.wat can i say.im didnt care.i was stressing myself too much.erupting problems.erupting emotions.

forget it.its over.no more vball.maybe its a gd thing.wont c im anymore.last trg i couldnt take im anymore.was thinking,if i had to go thru another trg wif im i'll probably walk off the court.but knowing me,i'll probably juz keep quiet n let im say his piece n piss me off.for the sake of the team,i capped myself wif a cork and juz let myself crack into pieces.

i'm not ready to hit the books.i still want to play.i haven't got enough.i havent reach my peak.i havent achieve my dream of gettin into the finals.is tt memorable?

life is so unfair.the good gets nothing but the bad does.why?

i'm disappointed.pissed.we beat the defending champions u noe.but we're out.wat the hell is this.

no matter how i tried im didnt gif a damn.no matter how hard i tried i'm still at the bottom.its unbelievable when i compare it to how i used to play last time n now.

these memories,are not worth keeping.but its sticking to my head like a parasite.what can i do abt it.immerse myself in my studies.kill me man.

on a happier note,the guys should be able to make it to the finals.hope they can make up for our lost by gettin the champion!~we had cheer support.special thanks to the council and some ajcians.

guess its fated as wad xian says.but its so diao.we won the defending champion!~but we're out.chop logic.crap.unfated.pissed off.displaced.disappointment.

monday.it shall be a happy day.

i hope.